aahhh mother's day

happy mother's day!  although I made my own breakfast this morning and am solo babysitter for my niece (my sister is unresponsive) it's been a great day so far. I did a bunch of chores yesterday, lots of laundry and sweeping. I had my dinner paid for by my sweet man (who gave Julia money to pay with in his absence) and watched a chick flick in bed while the cousin's had a late night sleep over. All the toiling yesterday makes me feel productive and totally capable of sitting around doing nothing. I have a few things I want to accomplish today, like showering, but these small tasks feel like just that instead of item 20 and 21 on a long list of shit I have to do.

I already spoke to my mother today and told her about my plan to move back to the east coast in the next year. We spoke about broader topics related to this idea but no marring logistics or details. We spoke for only about 30 -45 minutes. I remember all the time we spent together while I was in high school. We'd drink coffee and eat bagels on the back porch on the weekends and plan backyard gardens. Sometimes things get so complicated when you're older. Everything is so much more serious.

My daughter is wonderful. She crawled into bed with me early early this morning and slept in until 10. I was presented with a small milk carton flower pot and a tiny seedling of a marigold that Julia has been tending to at school for weeks. Its wonderful! She read to me some sentences she wrote in school about me...things I'm good at are sewing and drawing. She likes when I snuggle her and she thinks I have a pretty smile. I love her so much more than I ever imagined you could love something. There is no way to explain this feeling as there is nothing you can compare it to. She is everything to me. Love love love her!!

So here I am sitting in bed drinking coffee in a quiet cool house with julia's mothers day card, her security toys and the sweetest softest fat momma cat. The house is quiet and cool and the only thing that would make it better would be having Tim resting by my side. I love our house and our life together and I hope to be a new mother again someday.