family

While laying in bed early this morning, not being able to sleep, my mind was wondering to the relationship of my family members. I was remembering when my grandma died. At the funeral my mom had my sister and I each read some passage up in front of everyone. I was too overwhelmed and couldn't read mine. It was my sister who came up to my side and hugged me and read on my behalf. I don't have any animosity toward my mom or anything but I can't even imagine watching my daughter crying in front of a room of people. I'd want to go to her and comfort her. My mom knows how close I was to my grandma and knows I was on the fence about flying out to visit her when she was very near the end. So how could she just watch like that?
I think about my mom fondly and want to send her care packages and cool things I find so she knows that she's in my thoughts and that we talk about her frequently in our household. But we're so distant from each other some how. Not that I don't feel loved, it's not that, it's just strange that you can be so close and so far from someone at the same time.