incredibly nervous

this little squish has me incredibly nervous! I don't remember being like this with julia. that was so long ago though I'm not sure I'd remember even if I was. I keep getting pushed off by medical people and won't have an appointment for another 2.5 weeks. That'll be over 5 weeks since my last appointment, where the midwife didn't so much as even shake my hand. Everything I read (i realize i should not be reading shit off the web) says to contact your doctor or go to the er for anything...but I'm not paying hundreds of dollars for piece of mind. I'm most afraid that it's something bad and my pain threshold is so high that I won't feel cramping or anything. I'm not sure what my pain tolerance is since julia's birth was so controlled. I'm so sick of being nervous and emotional about all this. Can't i just have a normal experience, please?